Tears of the Moon
by Lady-Rinoa14
Summary: Canon 1 x R one-shot. Inspired by Frozen Teardrop. Brought about by his recurring nightmares, Heero finally admits what he is most afraid of.


**Author's Note: **Hi there! This is just a drabble that popped out of my head as I was reading Gundam Wing: Frozen Teardrop, which got me emotional when I read the Heero-Relena parts. Just a note, the first scene here with Heero and Catherine, as well as, the scene with Relena asking Heero to kill her were all indeed in Frozen Teardrop. The others are all from my messy, incoherent thoughts. A big thanks to inchoate-oeuvre for the FT love! :)

Oh, and warning: Emotional Heero coming up! (For a change)

Okay, on with the story! :)

* * *

**Tears of the Moon**

"_Because I want to protect you, because I want to always protect you__  
__I'm here and I want you to believe in me__  
__If you want to cry or if you can't cry, you'll become stronger. No need for composure__  
__Because I want to protect you, because I want to always protect you__  
__I want you to tell me what I can do__  
__So that you can always smile and laugh, I'll prepare a warm place__  
__Because I love you~"_

~Mamotte Agetai (I Will Protect You) – Yuna Ito ~

* * *

It was dark, with only a weak streak of light from outside illuminating the command center of the ship. In the same room, there was a woman – a tall, lean woman with long, curled, brown hair. There was a quizzical expression on her face. She was looking directly at him, and then she said, "Heero, can you really kill Relena Peacecraft?"

At the sound of the name, Heero's heartbeat skipped a bit. But his demeanour had not changed. His Prussian blue eyes were adamant and as cold as ice. But there was something else in his eyes. Something that sparkled.

With his usual stern tone, he said, "That's my duty." And then the sparkling bead fell from his eye to his cheek. A teardrop. "I will kill Relena." He paused. And another tear fell from his eye. "I must kill her."

Heero looked at the ocean. And the woman named Catherine Bloom, stared at him, wide-eyed. For all the years she had known this man called Heero Yuy, or Snow White in this era, he had never shed a tear. Ever. It eventually went to show that despite his stern persona, Heero Yuy still had his heart that only beats for the woman whom he had sworn to kill.

Everything then became a blur. The ship room vanished, Catherine vanished. A different scenario appeared. This time, Heero found himself in a mobile suit cockpit in the middle of the battlefield in Space. There were other mobile suits firing around him. Just then, the screen in front of him was brought to life. On the screen was the beautiful, un-aged face of Relena Peacecraft.

"This is Snow White. What is it?" Despite being in the midst of battle, Heero looked calm and collected.

"Heero..." Relena's eyes brimmed with tears, though she appeared delighted to see him. 30 years had been way too long. "I missed you, Heero..." Her raucous voice wavered. A tear tainted her calm countenance.

Unfazed, Heero said. "Sorry, but I'm in battle right now. Could you just tell me what's so important?"

"Yes." Relena wiped away her tear, stood straight with poise, as if she were standing on a stage for a speech. "Heero, please come quickly and kill me." It was more of an order than a request. Still, her eyes still overflowed with emotions she was holding back.

Heero, however, spoke with the same stern tone. "I've accepted that mission already. Once this fight is over, I'll carry it out immediately."

Relena nodded.

"But Relena, you won't let your battle end."

She blinked. "My...battle?"

"End communication."

As both their monitors closed, the scene changed, as well.

This time, they were in a different room. Relena was standing a few feet away from him, dressed in her white diplomatic uniform. She was holding a white mask, similar to the one that Zechs Merquis used to wear on A.C. 195. She looked calm and collected at the sight of the man in front of her, though tears were freely cascading her cheeks.

"Heero, " Relena said, a thousand words willing to be said weighed heavily on his name. "Finally, we're at the end of the line. It took so long."

Across from her, Heero Yuy hand was raised, pointing a gun at Relena's head. He, too, was calm and collected. Save for a tear that escaped his eye. "Relena, this is the only way," Heero said, wondering if he was saying this to her or for himself.

"I understand," Relena answered. "I wish everything was different." She forced a smile and took a step closer. "I don't know know how much you remember about the past and about what we went through. But after all this," Relena swallowed. "When you go on with your life, please don't remember me as Relena Peacecraft of Mars. Just, Relena Darlian."

Heero tightened his hands on the gun.

"Now do what you should have done a long time ago. For the peace in all of space," Relena said. "Kill me." She then closed her eyes and smiled, accepting her fate to die in the hands of Heero Yuy.

In an instant, a stream of memories with Relena's face flooded his mind starting from their first meeting on the beach up to the start of the new war. Another tear escaped his eye, and he did the thing that he had not made himself do since meeting her until now: he pulled the trigger.

At the sound of the gun fire, Heero Yuy sat upright on the bed, bewildered and panting. Beads of sweat covered his naked torso, still reliving the sight of the bullet he fired that pierced through Relena's head. Standing up, he made a beeline to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face.

For the past few days, he had been having the same dream, in which additional scenes were being added as time passed. On the first night, he had dreamt of being ordered to accomplish his new mission: to kill Relena, also known as Operation Mythos. The following night, it was only at the scene with Trowa's sister Catherine Bloom. She was an older version of Catherine, with her hair that now reached her waist. It was uncanny, but still he had his own questions: Why was an older version of Catherine with him on a ship, and why was he un-aged? Why was he crying? Then on the third night, there was that conversation with Relena. And there was that question on why she was pleading for him to kill her. And tonight, he had dreamt of actually pulling the trigger, shooting her straight to the head.

Heero had never believed in superstitions or at premonitions. But there was this appalling feeling that crept on him, making him fear for the future, of what might he might do to the woman whom he had sworn to protect.

Returning to his room, he picked up his Colt from the bedside drawer and unloaded the bullets before placing it back, just in case he could no longer distinguish his dreams from reality.

* * *

When morning came, Heero got up and got dressed earlier than usual. In his second year as a part of Relena's security team, of course he knew that Relena encouraged her bodyguards to eat breakfast with her. For today, still bothered by his recurring dreams, Heero ate early and was already waiting at the limousine by the time she got dressed.

By the time Relena was to leave for work, she smiled at Heero. "Good morning, Heero. You didn't join us for breakfast today."

"I got up earlier than usual," Heero replied as he opened the car door.

Relena nodded, buying his reason, until she took note of the worn-down look on his eyes. He was not looking at her, and she wondered if he was avoiding making eye contact with her. Dismissing her assumptions, she slid into the limousine. Heero sat at the front of the car, while her other bodyguard sat beside her. When the limousine roared to life and drove out of the mansion, it was only when Relena realized that Heero always sat beside her.

He had been avoiding her for the rest of the day. After all, if you had been working and living with the same person under the same roof every single day of your life, surely you would notice any slight difference in their behaviour when you see one. No eye contacts were made whenever they pass by each other in the building, even when Heero explained to her the emergency exits for her next summit meeting. And though Heero had always talked straight to the point, this was just too objective. As if he were just a nameless Preventer agent explaining to his superior, and not the companion he had become after being assigned to Relena after the Mariemeia uprising.

It was a good thing that her workload for the day was immense, making her temporarily forget about Heero's sudden cold treatment. And by heavy work load meant going overtime. It was already way past office hours when Heero entered her office and offered that she should finish her work tomorrow instead and call it a day.

Relena would have been thrilled to see Heero show his concern over her health and overtimes just like he usually did. However, there was no hint in any of his demeanour that showed any of it this time. Sighing, Relena still agreed with him. Heero picked up her bag and files without so much of a word or glance.

* * *

That night, Heero woke up once more, panting and sweating. It was that dream again. _That dream. _Heero tried to dispel the images of Relena's tears as she commanded for him to kill her, as she wished that he would remember who she was before everything had gone mad, as he shot her without remorse, and as he watched her body fall to the ground soaked in her own blood.

When will this end?

Getting out of bed, Heero put on a shirt and walked out of his room. The lights in the mansion had already been switched off, and only the moon's light that penetrated the glass windows illuminated all the parts of the mansion it can reach. He went to the kitchen, drinking down cold water in hopes that it would aid in clearing his mind.

It didn't.

It took him quite a second late to realize that there was already someone standing behind him. At the next step that the stranger made, the former Gundam pilot instinctively turned around and grabbed its wrist. The stranger was made to turn around as Heero twisted its arm over its head to have its hand on its back along with its other one. The stranger yelped in surprise at the act.

The cloud of anxiety disappeared from Heero's eyes as he recognized the beholder of the honey-gold hair that pressed against his chest. He let go of his captive in an instant.

"Relena," Heero said, surprised and curious.

Relena, wearing only a silky nightgown, chuckled quietly. She rubbed one of her hands on her wrist as she turned to face him. "And I thought that there was nothing more today that can surprise me."

"Why are you here?" Heero asked, for the last time he had seen her this evening was when they arrived in the mansion from her office. She had skipped dinner and immediately headed off to bathe and sleep.

"I couldn't sleep," Relena answered, pulling a chair from the table in the middle of the room to sit. "Well, I just woke up again and I couldn't sleep." She continued to dab her fingers on her wrist. "I got thirsty. And on the way here, your door was open and you weren't there. And I thought that..."

"That?" Heero also pulled a chair and sat beside her. "What?"

"That you left."

"Why would I leave?"

"Funny you should ask," Relena said almost sarcastically, still embittered by his change of behaviour and his track of record in the past of always leaving.

It took her by surprise when his hand reached for hers, running his fingers on her wrist tainted with red discoloration. He must have held her too tight. "I apologize."

"For what?" Relena asked, ignoring the sensations that their physical contact elicited. _For ignoring me the whole time? For almost attacking me?_

"I hurt you," Heero answered, caressing the discoloured skin with his thumb. Touching Relena like this, just being able to hold her like this, alive and well, he also felt alive. He also knew right then and there that he now truly lived for her. He had always believed that after the war and the missions were over, it was when there wouldn't be any more reason for him to exist. But then there was Relena, just a girl sharing the same age, who showed him that there was life in a world devoid of battles and that his life was worth more than just a nameless fighter who should never have lived until the advent of peace.

Relena was the purest he had ever met. And he had never imagined staining her body with her own blood, even when he had first made a vow that he would kill her. Now as her pulse, her proof of living, drummed against his finger, his mind drifted to his recent dreams. He did not want to admit it. But he was starting to fear it. And the thought of him doing something as much as just scratch her was appalling.

"Heero," Relena called out softly, like a whisper. "What's wrong?"

Their eyes met, both trying to discern the will of the other. Heero broke the silence, looking for the right words to say, "You know that I promised not to kill anymore." He paused. "But..."

There was a momentary shock to Relena's eyes that Heero saw before she nodded for him to go on.

He continued, "I've been having dreams, Relena."

"Dreams? What about?"

Heero nodded. How could he possibly tell her that he had been dreaming of actually killing her? "I hurt you in my dreams."

"Heero, you hurt me when you're awake." Relena chuckled lightly, in hopes of enlightening the mood. "But, seriously, is that's why you kept your distance? It's just a dream, Heero."

Heero shook his head. He squeezed her hand he did not realize that he had still been holding, and then he relayed every bit of what he can remember from his nightmares.

When he had finished, Relena asked, "You will not hurt me intentionally, right?" She smiled, knowing his answer well. "You said that the others there seemed aged? Like Miss Catherine?"

"Hn."

"And both of us still look the same?" Relena asked. "It's odd. But if it is related to the future, maybe I will do something bad that will make you kill me?" Squeezing his hand that held hers, Relena said, "Heero, I know you wouldn't hurt me. And yes, we wouldn't really know what will happen in the future. But when something happens, if peace will be shattered again and everything will be in chaos, especially when it's my own doing. If the situation calls for it, don't hesitate to take my life."

The former Gundam pilot had no idea how Relena could still talk about her death so casually. His eyes bore into her, wondering why she was condoning the content of the reason for his anxiety.

"You promised that you wouldn't kill anyone anymore," Relena said. "You don't have to worry about that, Heero. It's why I'm here. It's why I'm in this position. If the Earth Sphere turns to turmoil once more, then it'll be my fault, my responsibility." She lifted her hand to his cheek. "When that happens, I won't be able to take it. If you will have to take someone else's life for the sake of peace, then it should be me. You don't have to hurt others. And don't even think about hurting yourself."

Heero blinked, confounded. All this time, he had believed that he had been protecting her. Now, it dawned on him that Relena's selflessness for billions of people reached no limits, and in reality, she was also protecting him. She cared. She was always so caring towards him. It had always confused him since they met.

An uninvited tear then cascaded down his cheek, warming Relena's hand. Relena drew in a breath. This was the first time that she had seen him shed a tear. Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, had never cried no matter how screwed up the situation was. It had eventually, actually sunk to the pacifist princess that this matter was a big deal to him. It surely couldn't just be about the dreams, right? She thought. It just couldn't just be about him breaking his promise of not killing anyone again.

The princess looked at her own reflection from his Prussian blue eyes. He may have shed a tear, but there was no trace of change from his piercing gaze. He was still composed outside, if not inside. There was this battle inside of him, she knew, that he wanted to suppress. She wanted to kiss the pain away.

"What is it that you truly fear?" Relena asked, caressing his side of the cheek that was unreached by the moon's light from outside.

Heero lifted his hand to cover Relena's that was on his cheek, cherishing the warmth it brought to his being, savouring the comfort brought about by the physical contact. The lights in the mansion were still turned off, and the moonlight was enough for Heero to see every bit of her: the way her golden tresses fell below her shoulders, her eyes that twinkled like gems, her slender figure underneath the silky nightgown, even her great strength and spirit.

"I don't want to lose you," Heero finally admitted, both to himself and Relena.

After hearing his words, Relena bit her lip, not knowing what to say. She had expected Heero to be unafraid of anything. Anything. But about losing her? Now that could have been a joke. "That's my line," Relena answered cheerily, pulling away from his grasp. She stood and approached him, closing the distance between them as she wrapped her arms around him.

With Heero still seated, Relena's arms went around his neck, guiding his head to gently lie against her chest so he can feel her heart beating fast. In an instant, his arms also made its way to her waist to pull her closer. Relena leaned so her cheek would rest at the top of his head, which was still redolent with the scent of his shampoo. She gently rocked back and forth for comfort, in hopes of driving away the anxiety of this man who had always been strong for everyone, especially for her.

"You will always have me," Relena muttered tenderly with the realization that Heero needed her as much as she needed him. She forced back a sob, and then she said under her breath, "I love you." It was quieter than a whisper, but even he had probably heard it, she knew it did not really matter anyway.

"Can you stay for the night?" Heero then offered.

Later that night, Relena Darlian found herself underneath the sheets of a different bed. It was smaller than her usual king-sized one, but considered it the most comfortable bed she had ever laid on. Rolling to her side to face the man lying beside her, she called him, "Heero?"

Heero, who had his hands on his stomach, averted his gaze from the ceiling to the source of his inner emotional turmoil. Acting on one's emotions could really drive someone off the edge. He waited patiently as he stared at her hesitating, beautiful face.

"You can't protect me forever, though," Relena said, as if stating a fact, and also taking Heero's dreams into consideration. Who truly knows what could happen in the future? They may even fight on different sides. "Eventually, we may even be forced to go our separate ways."

"Then I'll search for you. I won't stop searching the whole of outer space until I find you again," Heero answered without hesitation.

For the second time that night, Relena bit her lip and felt her cheeks warm up. Was she blushing? "If you have to kill me..."

"I won't," Heero cut her off.

"You don't know that. What if your dream becomes reality? What if I become the bad person that should be eliminated?"

"I'll find a way. I'll make sure you live."

Heero then shifted to place his arm on Relena's side so she could lay on it. Relena cuddled closer to him, placing her hand on his chest, while his hand soothed her as he ran his fingers threaded through her golden tresses.

"It's the first time I've seen you cry," Relena said.

"Congratulations. You're the first person ever to witness that."

The princess lifted her head; the ends of her hair tickled his arm. "Really?" When Heero nodded, Relena sunk back at his arm. "I should have put that tear on a vial and had it frozen to preserve it," she teased.

_A frozen teardrop, huh? _Heero thought.

"But, I hope I wouldn't see you like that anymore," Relena said before closing her eyes, surrendering to sleep.

For a few seconds, Heero just revelled in just listening to Relena's even breathing. Since when had anyone affected him so much? He had experienced pain before – physically, emotionally, and mentally. But never in his existence did anything bring him to the brink of tearing up; not even one. Except now for the woman sleeping against him.

His eyes also started to get heavy. Pulling the sheets higher to cover Relena's body up to her shoulders, he bid her "Good night" and wiped away the clandestine tears that she may have unconsciously shed. And for the first time since the nightmares began, Heero had slept well.

Little do they know thirty years later that the tears they swore to never shed again will once more come about as they both face a terrible fate.

* * *

**A/N:**

This was a hurried piece, and I haven't proofread this thoroughly. :| So please do point out some errors if you see some.

Credits: Tears for the Moon is one of Final Fantasy VIII's beautiful music pieces. And the Yuna Ito song translation is from JPopAsia. Writing, while listening to music is such a hobby. :)

Have a nice day, peeps! :)


End file.
